This is a topic that appears at both ends of the working divide.
I’ve come across numerous clients who have their own ‘low confidence’ on the list of things they want to address. And I know plenty of bosses who’d like people who report to them to grow in confidence.
What’s the answer?
If you’re the boss, telling someone they should be more confident is an easy thing to do, and you might mean well, but you’re missing the target. From their side of the conversation, the person hearing that message feels the weight of an extra burden: here’s something else they’re not seeing right, another thing they’re getting wrong.
A better first step might be to invite them to accept it’s useful to have a warning system that works. They surely wouldn’t want a fearless approach to every situation? On any view, it makes sense to be less than confident when it comes to sticking your hand in a fire or to a spot of tightrope walking.
Step Two might be to ask them to respect their warning system. That means accepting that it’s going to be right some of the time. It might be the lack of confidence is justified because more training or experience is needed, or it could be the task is impossible. More blunt, maybe they could never learn the needed skills, however hard or long they tried.
With that respect for the warning voice clearly in mind, Step Three is to suggest they keep an open mind while they test the apparatus.
Our warning systems are rough and ready and haven’t developed much since human beings had only very basic things to fear. In our more nuanced world, we need something more finely calibrated, but while we wait a few tens of millennia for that to come along, we’ll have to make the best of what we’ve got. Invite your colleague to take time to think, either with or without you, and to explore what’s causing their disquiet and whether it’s justified.
They might ask themselves ‘Have I got the basic qualifications and skills to be in this job, or am I just faking it?’, ‘What have I done recently that shows me I can do this job well?’, ‘What signals am I getting from people around me?’, ‘Is this a job I’d expect anyone to do perfectly from day one, or would I expect experience to help?’, What kind of training, or help from colleagues, would help me to feel more comfortable?’, ’Would I expect every day to be the same, or would I expect good days and less good days?’.
‘You should be more confident’ might be quicker and feel more supportive, but by taking a little more time you can help them to work out for themselves how confident they deserve to feel. After they’ve done their testing, questioning and challenging, maybe they’ll conclude the warning was useful in some way, but they’ll have a more focused understanding and a practical way forward. And they’ll have developed a way of thinking much more valuable than that caveman’s simple urge to run away.